"Free-To-Try" Software: The Lie We All Despise

Is it too much to ask for a reliable antivirus software that is both free and not full of spy/adware? I purchased an HP Pavilion Media Centre desktop computer in October, and payed over $1500 for it. Included in this wonder-package was a "full version" of Norton Antivirus, which I saw and thought: "wow, great deal!". Little did I know that this was only a 3-month trial, and so I never bought any other antivirus software or argued on the extra $100 that made up "software costs".

Silly me.

about 2 months ago, my Norton gives me a funny little message: "please register your product so that we can update the virus database." Now this got me a little peeved. I scampered over and politely asked a Geek Squad employee what the hell was going on. He replied that the version sold with the computer is only a trial, and the $100 was the operating costs of installing all the drivers, software, irritating extra unnecessary programs (does anyone really need a bar on their desktop with quick links to the HP website? Not when it uses 30 MB of memory to do it!), and all the other stuff I could have done myself since I'm not an epileptic orangutan with Downs Syndrome.

So once the security personnel removed my thumbs from the idiot's eyeballs, it was explained that for only $89.99 I could purchase the full version! So now 2 men are screaming and the cops have been called. I finally resigned myself to the fate that I'd have to use the "free software" available online *shudder*. So I spend a month looking at all the various choices, weighing options and reviews, and finally settle on one called "Spyware Terminator". This claims to eliminate spyware, adware, viruses and clean my registry; which sounds great IN THEORY. All the reviews are very positive, so I download the setup.exe and run it. It installs, no problems, all is good.

Then I double-click "Run".

As soon as I do, my firewall pops up like a senior on Viagra, warning me that the program I'm trying to start is attempting to run adware. Surprise surprise; a piece of "free, reliable software" is full of ads directed at me, and my crotch in particular.

Why, why, why is it that a company can't make respectably good free software without trying to screw me over? WHY?!?!?!? *cough* sorry bout that, back on topic.

people ask "why not just buy some software?", and this would be an excellent question if anyone could finish asking it before I hit them with a fish for ignorance. I am a college student. I am a PISS-POOR college student. So spending $90 on this crap is saying I'd rather safely surf porn than eat for 2 weeks.

I'll stick to my survival if you don't mind.

Guitar Hero, Rock Band, and the rest of us who WORKED ON OUR MUSIC.

I play guitar. I'm not a "Guitar Hero", or a "Rock Band Member". I play a Mexican-made, cherry red Fender Stratocaster with a (self-made) custom whammy bar and a slew of home-made tech hooked up to a crappy amp. I have callouses on my fingers, I'm developing mild arthritis at age 19 from strain while playing, and I'm slowly going deaf from the volume and distortion blasting my eardrums.

While this might make some of you say "but Lee, why go to all that trouble and spend all that money when you can just play Guitar Hero and be a rock god?" Why? Because I like it. I love having to ice my hands at night to bring down the swelling. I love having to take a week off due to carpal tunnel. And I LOVE spending 6 to 10 hours to learn a song. Because after spending 2 weeks learning the Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black" while my roommate plays the same song 100% on Guitar Hero in 3 minutes, I can then go OUTSIDE and wow women with my L33T guitar skills, because I know the real song! And unlike those virtual rockers, if I want to learn a new song I'm only limited by my own abilities rather than any stupid restriction like a set amount of music.

So when I'm sitting on the curb outside my college residence playing 'Crazy On You' and enjoying the stars, and some guy comes up to me and says "you suck! I can play that on Expert in Guitar Hero!" the only reason I resist the urge to smash my guitar over their thick heads is that I love my guitar like a child, and you don't hit retards with babies! I merely look up at this lummox (who inexplicably has a girl on each arm) and ask: " but can you play it on REALITY?" Then I hit them with a large club and take their women (cuz that's how I roll).

So the next time you hear the searing riffs of Eddie Van Halen or the bluesy melodies of Keith Richards wafting on the air, remember: these guys worked hard on their music, and saying "I can play that too....just let me warm up the PlayStation" makes Jimi Hendrix spin in his grave. So be a man, buy a guitar and learn a talent.

ya pansy.