Paintball: it's not a gun, it's a marker!

First I would like to get something off my chest: Paintball is not a war simulation, nor was it created to train our youth to become better soldiers. Paintballs were originally invented in the 1970's as a way of marking trees and cows from a distance (have you ever tried chasing cows with a brush and paint bucket?). One day, a bunch of farmhands thought it would be fun to play a game of "Tag" with paint. So they grabbed safety goggles, the paint markers, and headed out into a nearby field where the sport of Paintball was born.

I say "sport" rather than "game" because a sport is legitimized, has clear winners and losers, and more often than not someone will get hurt. A "game" on the other hand has no real consequences or competitive nature to it. It's like comparing playing Frisbee to playing Ultimate Frisbee. One's fun, and the other is a world-recognized sport.

I have heard some nervous parents exclaim "I don't think it's safe, all these people shooting at each other!" Look, at every field I've ever gone to, the staff were incredibly explicit in their rules of safety so that each participant fully understands how to be safe while playing. Possibly the most often repeated rule is "NEVER remove your goggles or mask until you have left the field and all markers are plugged." Many of these places will offer a warning system (i.e: first warning, second warning sit out a game, third time pack up and go home) while others take more drastic measures (duct-taping goggles over the head so as to "prevent slippage"). Now I'm not saying that there are no injuries, I wouldn't lie like that. I will say that it is one of the safest sports I've ever played. No one is trying to tackle me, kick me with cleats, or smacking a ball in my direction at 80 mph. Heck, half the time you can't even see your opponents! The paint does taste awful, but as long as you play smart, that's your worst problem.

Now, in my humble opinion, Paintball is possibly the best bonding activity between people you can have without it getting XXX. I've gone in with one friend to an arena, and after one or two games everybody's chatting it up and re-enacting their favourite moments. Nothing builds comradeship and trust like sharing a foxhole. It's very hard to play for a day with a bunch of strangers and NOT form a bond (however temporary).

Now, while some people look at footage from a match and say "there's not even any strategy! One guy's way at the back, and the rest are all trapped up front!", someone with experience will look at the same scene and go "wow, that backman is giving some good cover, and those 3 up front are establishing an excellent crossfire, nice strategy!". There is a method to the madness, and more often than not you'll be just following the guy (or girl) next to you until you get to a good vantage point. There are some moments that appear to be strategic, and are really just hilarious flukes. One match I was trapped behind cover, and my partner was waving me up. So I got some headway, started to run, fell on my ass, and slid into the bunker at my friend's feet. Not graceful, but highly effective.

So all in all, it's a great sport, a fun SAFE time, and an adrenaline rush like no other. Look up a paintball arena or field near you and give it a go! Most places will rent you everything you need to play for a couple hours, but bring some energy drinks with you, cuz it is exhausting. Have fun, and don't forget to cock your Stroker before you bunker that taco!.

(translation: don't forget to recock your marker before you attack the half-circle shaped bunker. Don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.)